Tuesday, January 22, 2008
WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT!!!!
I had just returned to my classroom after lunch to find that it had been an indoor recess thanks to the cold weather. As I walked in one of my little boys handed me some doodle pads with the pencils attached. The pencil's strings had gotten all tangled and there were 4 of them stuck together. Since the kids still had a couple of minutes to play I sat down on the floor with the doodle pads and started to untangle. There was a small group of students with thier backs toward me playing at a table about 3 feet away. All of a sudden one of my little angels pipes up and says, "Hey, Mrs. B. isn't in here anymore, we can do WHATEVER we want!" To which I said, "THAT would be a really bad idea." The poor girl looked like she had seen a ghost when she whirled around to see me sitting right behind her. BUSTED!
Friday, January 11, 2008
TGIF
I was really, really hoping for a snow day. It was a long week... not a bad week, just long. Luckily, I didn't have to report for jury duty on Tuesday. I've found that the corn dog and white bread diet doesn't sit well with me. That ruined my day on Wed. Someday I'll learn that eating well makes me feel better and not eating well often lands me flat on my back.
I was asked today why, when I already have 3 children are my own, I would want to adopt children. I just didn't have an answer. Does having extra love to give count? Does wanting to make the world a better place, even if it's only for one child, count? What about the fact that I love to hold little ones and rock the evenings away? How about the thought that puke and poop, though not pleasant, are really just minor inconveniences to me? What about the feeling that my family is still not complete? What's legitimate and what is just too wishy-washy, smooshy-gooshy of a reason?
I was asked today why, when I already have 3 children are my own, I would want to adopt children. I just didn't have an answer. Does having extra love to give count? Does wanting to make the world a better place, even if it's only for one child, count? What about the fact that I love to hold little ones and rock the evenings away? How about the thought that puke and poop, though not pleasant, are really just minor inconveniences to me? What about the feeling that my family is still not complete? What's legitimate and what is just too wishy-washy, smooshy-gooshy of a reason?
Monday, January 7, 2008
Missing You
Well, for a first day back to school in over 2 weeks, the day went exceptionally well. My heart was warmed when one of my little rays of sunshine (I say this with much sarcasm) came in first thing and said, "Mrs. B., I brought you a present, it's a candycane for you to lick. I thought you'd like it. I missed you so much." Considering the amount of times I find myself on the verge of shaking this little guy, he sure did a lot to make my day today!!!
My own little angels were asleep by 8, without a fight. The house is quiet and kind of clean. I'm congratulating myself on the day. I got up at 5:30, ran 1.1 miles, did 50 sit-ups, laundry and dishes. I stayed after school for a meeting, went to the dentist and had my tooth filled without anaesthetic....whoo-hooo. Isn't there a saying about no pain, no..... how does that go again?
My own little angels were asleep by 8, without a fight. The house is quiet and kind of clean. I'm congratulating myself on the day. I got up at 5:30, ran 1.1 miles, did 50 sit-ups, laundry and dishes. I stayed after school for a meeting, went to the dentist and had my tooth filled without anaesthetic....whoo-hooo. Isn't there a saying about no pain, no..... how does that go again?
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Love and Respect
Wow!!! I picked up a book at the library by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called "Love and Respect." It is how to make a marriage stronger by following the principles of the bible. Now I'm surely not the most religious person I know but I do have strong beliefs and I was amazed by how much in this book is resonating within me.
I came across the book by accident, when I was looking for the "Fat Smash" diet in the new books in the library. I saw it and the byline, "The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs, hit me like a ton of bricks. See my husband and I had and extremely rough patch just a little over a year ago. Things are better but I still don't feel as connected with my love as I'd like to.
The whole principle of this book is that if a husband feels respected, he will in turn give a wife the love she needs. As I read this today, I was amazed when I realized how snide and disrespectful I often am. I find myself saying things like, "how could you not see the chips they are right in the front of the cupboard." At the same time I would snear and laugh like he's some kind of idiot. Then I would be hurt when he didn't treat me like a princess. Whoa, time for a little reevalution of my behavior.
So on that note, when I set the table for lunch today, T. asked me if I had warmed the daughter's lasagna. Well there was steam coming off the food, and I wanted to say, "does it look warm to you?" But, I caught myself just in time and sweetly replied, "yep, it's warmed up." I don't know if it really made any difference to him, but I feel like a made a difference in my own thought patterns.
To change the subject, school starts tomorrow. My house is clean, I have a schedule that seems doable and I'm motivated... until I get tired. I'm worried that my perfect plan will fall apart when I go to school and not only have to worry about my families needs, but also those of my 20 little angels at school. My perfect plan will be out the window, my house will be in shambles, I'll be tired and impatient and my children will not get the love and support they need. I don't want to fail. Hopefully, I can blog in a week that my house if perfect and I've kept up on my routines. Wish me luck!!
I got my master's degree in the mail yesterday. It's amazing that the little piece of paper, makes a difference in my own pride. I knew 2 months ago that I was done with classes, that I had fulfilled all the expectations I needed to to graduate. But getting that diploma in the mail, YES!!! Icing on the cake!
We had an amazing conversation at the table last night. A. (DD#3) asked me if she had been a good baby. I replied that she was the most miserable baby that I had ever seen, she cried all the time. She then sweetly asked, "but, did you love me even when I was crying?" I told her that even when she was screaming she was still one of the most beautiful babies in the world. All she said was, "thank you, Mama" and gave me a kiss. We then went around the table DD#2, R., said that she knew she was a good sleeper, but didn't like to ride. And DS#1, J., said that he just wanted to eat all the time. What wonderful memories!!! And many more to be made....
Until next time...
I came across the book by accident, when I was looking for the "Fat Smash" diet in the new books in the library. I saw it and the byline, "The love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs, hit me like a ton of bricks. See my husband and I had and extremely rough patch just a little over a year ago. Things are better but I still don't feel as connected with my love as I'd like to.
The whole principle of this book is that if a husband feels respected, he will in turn give a wife the love she needs. As I read this today, I was amazed when I realized how snide and disrespectful I often am. I find myself saying things like, "how could you not see the chips they are right in the front of the cupboard." At the same time I would snear and laugh like he's some kind of idiot. Then I would be hurt when he didn't treat me like a princess. Whoa, time for a little reevalution of my behavior.
So on that note, when I set the table for lunch today, T. asked me if I had warmed the daughter's lasagna. Well there was steam coming off the food, and I wanted to say, "does it look warm to you?" But, I caught myself just in time and sweetly replied, "yep, it's warmed up." I don't know if it really made any difference to him, but I feel like a made a difference in my own thought patterns.
To change the subject, school starts tomorrow. My house is clean, I have a schedule that seems doable and I'm motivated... until I get tired. I'm worried that my perfect plan will fall apart when I go to school and not only have to worry about my families needs, but also those of my 20 little angels at school. My perfect plan will be out the window, my house will be in shambles, I'll be tired and impatient and my children will not get the love and support they need. I don't want to fail. Hopefully, I can blog in a week that my house if perfect and I've kept up on my routines. Wish me luck!!
I got my master's degree in the mail yesterday. It's amazing that the little piece of paper, makes a difference in my own pride. I knew 2 months ago that I was done with classes, that I had fulfilled all the expectations I needed to to graduate. But getting that diploma in the mail, YES!!! Icing on the cake!
We had an amazing conversation at the table last night. A. (DD#3) asked me if she had been a good baby. I replied that she was the most miserable baby that I had ever seen, she cried all the time. She then sweetly asked, "but, did you love me even when I was crying?" I told her that even when she was screaming she was still one of the most beautiful babies in the world. All she said was, "thank you, Mama" and gave me a kiss. We then went around the table DD#2, R., said that she knew she was a good sleeper, but didn't like to ride. And DS#1, J., said that he just wanted to eat all the time. What wonderful memories!!! And many more to be made....
Until next time...
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Ramblings
This is mostly just a place for me to unload. I often confuse those around me because my mind often wanders from one thing to another in strange and crazy ways. I can usually follow my brain waves but those around me are left shaking their heads in confusion.
I am starting this blog thing because I am amazed by the other "mommy blogs" I've come across in the past couple of days. I am inspired by mothers who have lives that are so much more hectic than mine. I am excited when I read blogs about families who have adopted and now have full, hectic, chaotic lives filled with love. I look at the pictures that include children of all colors and sizes and I cry. Because to me a family is the most wonderful thing in the world and these people have pulled together children who may not have had anyone in the world and made it a beautiful union of people who will always be a family. Commited to each other in ways that others may not understand, but are forced to admire.
As a kindergarten teacher, second grade teacher, and last year, a 7th grade science teacher I see so many children that are not being treated as they should. Every year I come home and tell my husband, sorry, but I may be bringing home ___________ soon. The first year he told me, "no way, that's a bad idea." And I listened. I watched a little boy go through abuse (I reported it, but the documentation didn't make them move any faster) and even though it was terribly tramatic for his siblings and himself, I cheered when he was taken from his parents and moved to a grandmother's who loved and kept those kids together. The following year I again said, "I'm bringing home __________." And again T. (husband) said, "that's not a good idea." And again I listened. And again I watched the abuse and neglect (reported again) and he was moved to a foster home, away from me. I don't know how he's doing and that kills me. The following year a little girl and the classroom next door was being abused and I again wanted to bring her home. T. was softening by this time and just told me to make sure I had permission. She spent some time here with my family, but was eventually moved into a foster home. Almost every year for the past 7 years, there is one child... Last year I finally convinced my husband that we needed to become licensed for foster care. His biggest concern was that we would get attached and the child(ren) will be taken away. I agree, this will probably kill me, but at least the child has had some care and security, but most importantly love, even if it's for a short amount of time. Which leads me to my next thought... how about adoption? I have no doubt that T. will be willing if the opportunity presents itself. However, I don't know if he's as motivated by it as I am. I don't think he's going to go out and persue it. Once again, I'll go back to the fact that God has always led us in the right direction and I have no doubt that this is where we're being led. We'll see where it all takes us.
My own children are groaning... school starts again Monday. It's going to be so hard to get myself and my own little growlers back into the routine. It seems like forever since I've been at work. I hate to think how long it feels for my 5 and 6 year olds. I wonder if they've forgotten me. I'm missing them horribly. We'll see how much I miss them when they are COMPLETELY out of the routine on Monday. They are going to be crying and out of sorts... ugh. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. To seal the deal and make going back to school even more of a challenge, Tuesday I have been summoned for jury duty. Maybe I won't have to go (fingers crossed here).
Until next time.... God bless!
I am starting this blog thing because I am amazed by the other "mommy blogs" I've come across in the past couple of days. I am inspired by mothers who have lives that are so much more hectic than mine. I am excited when I read blogs about families who have adopted and now have full, hectic, chaotic lives filled with love. I look at the pictures that include children of all colors and sizes and I cry. Because to me a family is the most wonderful thing in the world and these people have pulled together children who may not have had anyone in the world and made it a beautiful union of people who will always be a family. Commited to each other in ways that others may not understand, but are forced to admire.
As a kindergarten teacher, second grade teacher, and last year, a 7th grade science teacher I see so many children that are not being treated as they should. Every year I come home and tell my husband, sorry, but I may be bringing home ___________ soon. The first year he told me, "no way, that's a bad idea." And I listened. I watched a little boy go through abuse (I reported it, but the documentation didn't make them move any faster) and even though it was terribly tramatic for his siblings and himself, I cheered when he was taken from his parents and moved to a grandmother's who loved and kept those kids together. The following year I again said, "I'm bringing home __________." And again T. (husband) said, "that's not a good idea." And again I listened. And again I watched the abuse and neglect (reported again) and he was moved to a foster home, away from me. I don't know how he's doing and that kills me. The following year a little girl and the classroom next door was being abused and I again wanted to bring her home. T. was softening by this time and just told me to make sure I had permission. She spent some time here with my family, but was eventually moved into a foster home. Almost every year for the past 7 years, there is one child... Last year I finally convinced my husband that we needed to become licensed for foster care. His biggest concern was that we would get attached and the child(ren) will be taken away. I agree, this will probably kill me, but at least the child has had some care and security, but most importantly love, even if it's for a short amount of time. Which leads me to my next thought... how about adoption? I have no doubt that T. will be willing if the opportunity presents itself. However, I don't know if he's as motivated by it as I am. I don't think he's going to go out and persue it. Once again, I'll go back to the fact that God has always led us in the right direction and I have no doubt that this is where we're being led. We'll see where it all takes us.
My own children are groaning... school starts again Monday. It's going to be so hard to get myself and my own little growlers back into the routine. It seems like forever since I've been at work. I hate to think how long it feels for my 5 and 6 year olds. I wonder if they've forgotten me. I'm missing them horribly. We'll see how much I miss them when they are COMPLETELY out of the routine on Monday. They are going to be crying and out of sorts... ugh. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. To seal the deal and make going back to school even more of a challenge, Tuesday I have been summoned for jury duty. Maybe I won't have to go (fingers crossed here).
Until next time.... God bless!
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